It's a new year
So
Where do I start?
I may be blogging random thoughts through the week.
Today is January 6'th..... Five years ago a girl with the last name Couch was being diagnosed with AML Leukemia. Two days after, Amber's tumor was found and we were checked into ten south room one. She and Amber became fast friends her mother Laura and I became the best of friends.
We were Mom's stuck in hell together. We cried together laughed together. Played games in the middle of the night with nurses. Had secret jokes. Stayed together even when we weren't in the hospital. She was a soft spoken amazingly beautiful and strong girl. They told her that she had a special DNA strand and that recovery would be easy. A year later she relapsed and in June 2009 we lost her. I say we because she was all of ours. Her love, her laugh, her amazing smile. She shared it with everyone. I'm crying now just typing this. We miss you so much Aimee and we know your standing by Amber because we can feel you there.
Now I must stop crying I'm in Amber's room.
New Years Eve was nice. Jesse worked till nine and then kept helping the bar tender for another hour (because the bar back was not scheduled till later.) We had been staying at the hospital every night that week, so that night we decided to sleep in our own bed. It was a tough decision because we really wanted to be with Amber and Jordan at the hospital. We went across the street from our house and celebrated our New Year's Eve. Talking laughing and crying about our lives.
Amber continues to have a lot of pain. She's so sick. She has C-Diff, it's an infection http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/c-difficile/DS00736 . It's pretty gruesome. She's got mouth sores all over her inside her mouth. She can eat Popsicles and that's about it. Her counts dropped back down today. That's not exactly out of the ordinary at this time but it sure would be nice to see signs that the new marrow is growing. This torture she is enduring is inhuman. This pain and suffering is nothing anyone should feel.
I want her to live and be happy. I want my daughter to thrive!
Isolation inside the cancer unit is not so bad. Seeing toddlers with IV poles, tubes in there noses and dark circles is something you can not erase from your brain, ever. Not being able to use the kitchen here SUCKS!
My mother in law has been an amazing beacon of hope and love right now. She's helping me stay focused on things other then the hospital. Trust me I can NOT focus. I feel like a rat in a maze that's on fire one minute, then there is a river and a rocks tied to my feet, then a hurricane and I'm running to stay in the eye.
My body hurts, my nose bleeds, my belly aches and my jaw is constantly clenched. I don't care about me. I care about being here for her. I care about being here for Ashley, Porter, Terry, my Husband and my Dog. But mostly right here watching her sleep. Seeing her breathe. Watching the nurses in their gowns, gloves, and face masks, poking prodding, testing, hanging bags of fluid, waking her up, telling her to get sleep.
Oh my, the other night she stopped breathing in he sleep! Just stopped. Her throat is messed up too and it closed. I had two hours of sleep that night and that was it. Nothing wakes you up like alarms and a bunch of doctors and nurses getting your child to breathe.
So today's blog reads just about as manic as my brain thinks and that's okay with me. Ill edit it later.
Secondary AML Sucks! I want her to beat this. She's a winner and a fighter !
Where do I start?
I may be blogging random thoughts through the week.
Today is January 6'th..... Five years ago a girl with the last name Couch was being diagnosed with AML Leukemia. Two days after, Amber's tumor was found and we were checked into ten south room one. She and Amber became fast friends her mother Laura and I became the best of friends.
We were Mom's stuck in hell together. We cried together laughed together. Played games in the middle of the night with nurses. Had secret jokes. Stayed together even when we weren't in the hospital. She was a soft spoken amazingly beautiful and strong girl. They told her that she had a special DNA strand and that recovery would be easy. A year later she relapsed and in June 2009 we lost her. I say we because she was all of ours. Her love, her laugh, her amazing smile. She shared it with everyone. I'm crying now just typing this. We miss you so much Aimee and we know your standing by Amber because we can feel you there.
Now I must stop crying I'm in Amber's room.
New Years Eve was nice. Jesse worked till nine and then kept helping the bar tender for another hour (because the bar back was not scheduled till later.) We had been staying at the hospital every night that week, so that night we decided to sleep in our own bed. It was a tough decision because we really wanted to be with Amber and Jordan at the hospital. We went across the street from our house and celebrated our New Year's Eve. Talking laughing and crying about our lives.
Amber continues to have a lot of pain. She's so sick. She has C-Diff, it's an infection http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/c-difficile/DS00736 . It's pretty gruesome. She's got mouth sores all over her inside her mouth. She can eat Popsicles and that's about it. Her counts dropped back down today. That's not exactly out of the ordinary at this time but it sure would be nice to see signs that the new marrow is growing. This torture she is enduring is inhuman. This pain and suffering is nothing anyone should feel.
I want her to live and be happy. I want my daughter to thrive!
Isolation inside the cancer unit is not so bad. Seeing toddlers with IV poles, tubes in there noses and dark circles is something you can not erase from your brain, ever. Not being able to use the kitchen here SUCKS!
My mother in law has been an amazing beacon of hope and love right now. She's helping me stay focused on things other then the hospital. Trust me I can NOT focus. I feel like a rat in a maze that's on fire one minute, then there is a river and a rocks tied to my feet, then a hurricane and I'm running to stay in the eye.
My body hurts, my nose bleeds, my belly aches and my jaw is constantly clenched. I don't care about me. I care about being here for her. I care about being here for Ashley, Porter, Terry, my Husband and my Dog. But mostly right here watching her sleep. Seeing her breathe. Watching the nurses in their gowns, gloves, and face masks, poking prodding, testing, hanging bags of fluid, waking her up, telling her to get sleep.
Oh my, the other night she stopped breathing in he sleep! Just stopped. Her throat is messed up too and it closed. I had two hours of sleep that night and that was it. Nothing wakes you up like alarms and a bunch of doctors and nurses getting your child to breathe.
So today's blog reads just about as manic as my brain thinks and that's okay with me. Ill edit it later.
Secondary AML Sucks! I want her to beat this. She's a winner and a fighter !
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