From my point of view

I learned that if I ever wanted something, I needed to work hard and get it myself.  Having my friends help me when my daughter was sick was not just humiliating it was completely alien to me.  I have no problem giving my all, being charitable, loving and caring as much as I can for another. When someone does for me, though, I go a bit insane. Sad really that I was never taught to lean on others for help.  Here I am with an amazing husband gently protecting me as much as he can and I feel guilty about how much he does for me.  I'm on a new "diet it's Isagenix and I love it.  The energy I have is spectacular the inches I lost from my upper waist line area were much needed and also the unhealthiest place for a woman to be carrying extra weight.  I have signed up to be an associate and now I can help others achieve their weight loss goals as well.  I feel great and I'm excited to gain my independence in the form of a paycheck.  I am also super happy ...

I think about everything I've gone through and how much it holds me back. My life in true hell has changed me. It has changed all the parents I have met. This morning a thought came to me. "Don't let your nightmares destroy your dreams." I "lived the dream" I "lived the nightmare". Now to get back to living the dream. Perhaps a new dream. Maybe it's time to start dreaming of new things. I know I've changed so my dreams should change a bit also. It's perspective I guess. Amber is 118 days past her transplant. She's doing great. She's living in her own apartment with her friend from grade school. I hear she went to a party Friday night. This pleases me to tears. She trying to work with her boss to get put back on schedule and work. She's talking to the docs about letting her go back to PCC. We're living in the now. Amber kicks ass always, tried and true. My friend wrote a song for Amber he wrote about her leaving the ...

That's what our lives all are, an open book. Today I am feeling good, tired as all heck, but good. Ambers ANC is slowly rising and we are all happy and hopeful. Jesse and I are trying to rearrange the house a little more, clean and make things comfortable for us all. Jordan, Ambers fiancée came and reorganized their bedroom here, and made it all nice and cozy for them when they get out of the hospital. We are so excited that she will be coming home soon. Thank you for all of the love and support. Keep it coming. Her coming home is not the end of this journey. It's merely a step in a positive direction. There will be home IV's, a special diet, and a LOT of appointments for blood draws, and bone marrow checks. For three years we will be lighting candles trying our best to scare away this monster. It will be under her bed, at our door, on the porch, in front of our house, down the street getting coffee, then hopefully gone for good. I know it will be knocking. I kno...

Oh the smile I am wearing can not be erased. She's got an ANC of 450 today! If she has 500 for more then three days she can come home! I woke up this morning at 7:30am to my husband smiling and cuddling me. This day just keeps getting better. Thank You Universe!

Five years ago today we found Amber's tumor. "Five Years" by David Bowie has been ringing in my head. I love that song. Today it's just strange. I'm glad we found her tumor. I'm glad I refused to leave the doctors office 'til we figured out what was really going on. I'm not happy my child had cancer I am happy we found it and happy she beat it. I know, I'm sitting here right now on the parent bed in the children's cancer unit as I type this from my cell phone. This is a whole different animal. This is Secondary AML It's strange. Sitting here still after five years. You need to consider that my daughter has had a surgery a year since remission. She spent a good amount of time at Shriners Hospital for Crippled children relearning how to walk, how to use her wheelchair, and how to dress herself. That was just after she was done with chemotherapy. Yet here we are. Five years is a big marker for Ewing's Sarcoma. This would be the ...

So Where do I start? I may be blogging random thoughts through the week. Today is January 6'th..... Five years ago a girl with the last name Couch was being diagnosed with AML Leukemia. Two days after, Amber's tumor was found and we were checked into ten south room one. She and Amber became fast friends her mother Laura and I became the best of friends. We were Mom's stuck in hell together. We cried together laughed together. Played games in the middle of the night with nurses. Had secret jokes. Stayed together even when we weren't in the hospital. She was a soft spoken amazingly beautiful and strong girl. They told her that she had a special DNA strand and that recovery would be easy. A year later she relapsed and in June 2009 we lost her. I say we because she was all of ours. Her love, her laugh, her amazing smile. She shared it with everyone. I'm crying now just typing this. We miss you so much Aimee and we know your standing by Amber because we can feel you...