My Best Friend Cried

My best friend and I have been friends since Amber was 3 years old. Best friends from the start, our relationship was unique to only us. Others would have their opinion or say whatever they wanted but they just did not understand. I would hear things from co-workers and other friends like, "can't wait to see you two finally be married." and we'd make that eww-gross kind of face and say "no, no, It's not like that." We would not wish ourselves on one another. We were however, best friends. We were a lot alike. Neither one of us too emotional with the other. Just a mutual respect and love for one another. He's still the only person to call me up and say "I just wanted to hear your voice." One time I was depressed over a breakup with my then "soul mate" and for months no matter how I tried I could not pull myself out of the funk I was in. He looked at me, kind of mock back handed me, and said "Snap out of it! I want my Linda back." That was it I was fine after that. Another time years ago I thought of moving to Seattle and even had looked at houses to purchase there. I had one picked out in West Seattle and loved it. He said, 'Portland would not be the same without you." and so, I stayed.

We used to take turns each year on take your daughter to work day. He loved taking Amber. One year he took her at 7am and brought her home at 10:00pm. They had a full day's work, meetings with the city included, and then raced sail boats where Amber was the "lineman"... She walked into the house, immediately passed out face-down in her bed still fully clothed. She's his girl through and through.

The day after we found Amber's tumor they wanted to do a biopsy. This was going to be a "Quick surgery where they were going to just go in and take a bite out of the tissue for testing."

Of course my best friend was there.

We watched them give her pre-meds and she told us silly stories. Then soon after they took her away for her first surgery. I do not recall what we did to pass the time while she was being operated on. I do however recall them saying she was out.

He and I ran to the post-op room where she was. She looked terrible. Bad breath from not eating beforehand, lines around her mouth, crying, with fear in her eyes that I will never forget. This was the first time she felt real, REAL pain. Her body was rejecting it. She stopped breathing. Alarms went off and I froze saying "Amber breathe, AMBER BREATHE!" He panicked, started hitting her chest, grabbed her face looked in her eyes and said "Amber, right here, look at me, BREATHE." She took a breath, the alarms stopped.

They gave her something to make her more comfortable and we (and the transportation person from the hospital) took her back up to 10 South room 1.

We had her in the room and in place, then looking to my right I saw my best friend cry. More then 10 years of friendship had come to this. I felt a freight train plow through the center of me. Relief that she was back in her room. Fear and pain from the realization that this was going to HURT! My best friend with his face deep into a pillow crying his eyes out. The freight train was tearing apart pieces of me while it was ripping through..

The ones I love the most are broken. I am broken. We will never be the same.