Form a line please..
Imagine the conversations you have when you are meeting someone. Your common interests, views, goals. What religion are you? Who did you vote for? Do you want to some day own a house, have a garden?
How about kids? Do you want to have kids? How do you want to raise your children? What schools do you picture our future child in? You dream together. You get pregnant and start hoping for a boy, or a girl. I hope she has your eyes and my smile. I hope he gets my sense of humor and your good looks. I hope He's tall like me and has red hair like you. Then discipline should we "spank" our child or use time outs? Let's make sure we stand together on things like, bed time, house rules and chores.
No one ever plans for cancer. Who would ask such a thing? What would you do if our child was diagnosed with cancer? Would I stay at the hospital and you would work? Would we take turns? Would I be there for you when you completely lost your mind from stress? How long would you let me freak out? Would you one day give up? Would you leave me? Would this be a deal breaker for us? Would my reaction to our daughter going bald make you angry and lash out at me? All these new things that just are not in the parenting books at all.
There comes a point when all the reading you have done does not help any more.
I recall wondering what to do with my adolescent girls. I read "Reviving Ophelia" looking for help and understanding. When they were toddlers it was "Everybody Poops" and "What to expect when expecting". There are so many helpful psychologists and so many books.
When your child is diagnosed with cancer you get a three ring binder full of information you never knew you would have to learn. I was a mortgage broker. I could tell everyone "Yes Math is an important subject in school!" I knew nothing about nursing a child with Cancer. I used to explain it to others in such a way, "You have natural parenting instincts when you give birth. They kick in right away. You grow eyes in the back of your head. Your breasts start leaking when the baby cries. You know what they are getting into by simple signs, like silence. There is NO parental instinct for cancer, NONE!"
The doctors spit out medical terminology, avoiding statistics. The nurses become your teachers.
I do not know how we would have made it without the help of the nurses. That was a whole new sensation all by itself. The nurse that she did not like. The nurse I did not like. The nurses we LOVED and wished would be there. The straight talking nurse that taught me how to read the blood work so I understood what neutropenia was. The nurse that sat with her and played BINGO while I went home to do some laundry.
Here I was doing this alone. They were all I had.
Yeah I had a casual boyfriend who quickly disappeared. I had friends that came and went. My best friend who was there for every surgery and often brought us meals. But I was alone most the time. The staff at the hospital and the other parents became my personal life line.
These things you just can't plan for. These things can bind you together, or tear you apart. These things all happen at once. You have to prioritize. Some get lost in the shuffle and some get in line.
How about kids? Do you want to have kids? How do you want to raise your children? What schools do you picture our future child in? You dream together. You get pregnant and start hoping for a boy, or a girl. I hope she has your eyes and my smile. I hope he gets my sense of humor and your good looks. I hope He's tall like me and has red hair like you. Then discipline should we "spank" our child or use time outs? Let's make sure we stand together on things like, bed time, house rules and chores.
No one ever plans for cancer. Who would ask such a thing? What would you do if our child was diagnosed with cancer? Would I stay at the hospital and you would work? Would we take turns? Would I be there for you when you completely lost your mind from stress? How long would you let me freak out? Would you one day give up? Would you leave me? Would this be a deal breaker for us? Would my reaction to our daughter going bald make you angry and lash out at me? All these new things that just are not in the parenting books at all.
There comes a point when all the reading you have done does not help any more.
I recall wondering what to do with my adolescent girls. I read "Reviving Ophelia" looking for help and understanding. When they were toddlers it was "Everybody Poops" and "What to expect when expecting". There are so many helpful psychologists and so many books.
When your child is diagnosed with cancer you get a three ring binder full of information you never knew you would have to learn. I was a mortgage broker. I could tell everyone "Yes Math is an important subject in school!" I knew nothing about nursing a child with Cancer. I used to explain it to others in such a way, "You have natural parenting instincts when you give birth. They kick in right away. You grow eyes in the back of your head. Your breasts start leaking when the baby cries. You know what they are getting into by simple signs, like silence. There is NO parental instinct for cancer, NONE!"
The doctors spit out medical terminology, avoiding statistics. The nurses become your teachers.
I do not know how we would have made it without the help of the nurses. That was a whole new sensation all by itself. The nurse that she did not like. The nurse I did not like. The nurses we LOVED and wished would be there. The straight talking nurse that taught me how to read the blood work so I understood what neutropenia was. The nurse that sat with her and played BINGO while I went home to do some laundry.
Here I was doing this alone. They were all I had.
Yeah I had a casual boyfriend who quickly disappeared. I had friends that came and went. My best friend who was there for every surgery and often brought us meals. But I was alone most the time. The staff at the hospital and the other parents became my personal life line.
These things you just can't plan for. These things can bind you together, or tear you apart. These things all happen at once. You have to prioritize. Some get lost in the shuffle and some get in line.
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